How Feminine Leadership Transforms the Chaos of Mantrums Into Constructive Power
As December closes the year, it often surfaces behaviors that highlight the imbalances between patriarchal leadership structures and the evolving space for feminine leadership. That's right, it's not your imagination, it's a real thing. A recurring phenomenon in these dynamics is what I call the “mantrum”—a male tantrum that exposes vulnerabilities within traditional leadership paradigms and challenges the integrity of relationships, both personal and professional.
Let's begin by lifting the curtain on what a Mantrum is….
A mantrum manifests as resistance, withdrawal, or emotional outbursts—often stemming from unaddressed expectations, feelings of inadequacy, or perceived threats to stability. It is not inherently masculine, nor does it exclusively belong to men, but the term captures a specific energy: a reactive response to unmet needs or unconscious contracts. While I do train women, I also train men in leadership as well, and I am an equal opportunity advocate for personal accountability. Just because I am calling it a “Mantrum” doesn’t mean that women can’t have it, too.
In patriarchal leadership, mantrums are amplified. This model thrives on reactivity based control and often lacks emotional literacy, leaving little room for constructive conversation to collaborate around. A leader experiencing a mantrum might dismiss feedback, deflect accountability, or demand compliance rather than fostering collaboration.
The symptoms include, but are not limited to…
1. Unconscious Contracts
Patriarchal structures often rely on unspoken expectations: “I work hard; therefore, I am owed loyalty” or “You should understand my needs without me voicing them.” When these contracts are broken, frustration builds. For example, a leader might lash out if they perceive their team’s performance as disloyalty, even if the team lacked clear instructions.
Another characteristic of this type of leadership, is when a manager assigns a critical project without any guidance or objective. Instead of addressing their own failure to communicate, the leader will react and reinforce the cycle of blame. I know, sexy….not.
2. Rigid Power Dynamics
Patriarchal systems enforce hierarchies that suppress open communication and collaboration. It is seen as a dominant demand versus a team culture. Therefore, when ‘subordinates’ push back or challenge the status quo, mantrums arise as a defensive mechanism to reassert dominance. They are often evidenced by, “We must get this client, and we do it this way”
Another Example: A senior executive insists, “We must get this client, and we do it this way,” shutting down alternative strategies suggested by junior team members. When the project falters due to the narrow approach, the executive reacts with anger and blames the team for not being “innovative enough,” failing to acknowledge their own inflexibility.
3. Emotional Avoidance
Vulnerability is seen as weakness in patriarchal leadership. A mantrum allows the leader to avoid confronting deeper emotional truths, such as fear of failure or feelings of inadequacy.
Emotionally enriched with bandwidth, and aware, feminine leadership embodies a different energy: a groundedness, receptivity, and the ability to hold space for others while maintaining boundaries. I want you to visualize the enlightened, powerful woman you desire to become. The one who is poised, unwavering and clear with her capacity and ability. When she’s confronted with a mantrum, she doesn’t need to react but instead engages in a process of rebalancing. She is wise with how she witnesses it, this isn’t a TikTok, or a viral purposed moment, this is where her leadership shines.
Here’s how:
Step one, Recognizing The Pattern Like The Queen You Are.
Feminine leadership sees the mantrum not as a personal attack but as a sign of cultural conflict. Understanding that the behavior stems from unprocessed emotions or unmet expectations allows for a more compassionate response and her ability to stay within her poised leadership.
Example: A male colleague storms out of a meeting after a heated discussion. Rather than taking it personally, a feminine leader might reflect silently with, “Hmm, what underlying concerns are driving his reaction?” “Is there anything else I could have done to create a warmer environment” If the answers are no, she lets his reaction be his own. This is the emotional boundary she embodies and the conviction to herself, her leadership and her legacy she aligns within.
Speaking of…..Holding Boundaries, oh baby!
Feminine leadership does not enable the behavior. While shes reflective, she is also not over owning it either.
Instead she calmly reinforces boundaries:
“I’m open to discussing this when we’re both ready to have a constructive conversation and that time does not feel like it is right now. I am sure my assistant or my email can hold space for some options when you are ready to share them with me”
“Your tone right now feels dismissive, am I mistaken on anything here?” Followed with space to listen if applicable, this is followed by: “ Let’s pause and revisit this later.”
This response shifts the dynamic from reactive to intentional, showing respect for both parties.
Next, she is inviting emotional literacy
A feminine leader models vulnerability and a profound level of emotional intelligence:
“I sense frustration. Is something coming up for you that I should be aware of?”
In this statement she is holding a purposeful but professional boundary to seek to understand but there aint no Covey here, he’s great, but just because we are women, doesn’t mean that we are everyone’s therapist. Because there is a deep commitment to holding compassion for herself here as she does it. She is not dirtying up her cute shoes with this emotional mess, she compels this individual to rise to the occasion and discern if its appropriate for work or not.
By creating space for open dialogue, feminine leadership helps dismantle the defensiveness that fuels mantrums.
Beyond the Dishes: The Personal Side of Mantrums
In personal relationships, mantrums often arise when boundaries blur into unspoken expectations. Consider the classic “dishes” analogy: A partner expects help cleaning up after dinner but becomes resentful when it doesn’t happen. The frustration escalates into a demand (“Why haven’t you done the dishes yet?”), sparking defensiveness and further conflict.
Feminine leadership shifts this interaction:
Acknowledging the unspoken contract: “I realize I’ve been expecting you to handle this without saying it.”
Holding space for choice: “I’d feel so calm and supported if this kitchen was cleaned up”
In relationships, we don’t manage, but we invite. If the partner isn’t aware of how to support you in times of need, he won’t. By telling him what will feel calming to you, or expressing how much it would provide freedom to take a bath and find calmness, he is able to win with you and has a clear path to do so. The difficulty in this arena, is that often times we as leaders find so much power in our emotional intelligence in business, that we nearly become emotionally unavailable in relationships unconsciously. If he begins complaining about helping don’t reply and give it any more energy than it needs. But be aware that over time, its something to express in a calm and compassionate way of seeking to understand why he doesn’t feel its important to support or respect that you have limits in your ability to always do.
This reframes the conversation from conflict to collaboration, removing the power struggle.
The antidote to patriarchal rigidity and the chaos of mantrums is not dominance but understanding more deeply in feminine leadership offers a blueprint for transformation, one rooted in
Self-awareness ( Recognizing and dismantling unconscious contracts and old patterns )
Empathy in meeting frustration with curiosity, not combat or demand.
Boundaries and protecting one’s energy while inviting accountability.
Mantrums are not inherently bad; they’re an invitation to reflect on where systems and relationships have become misaligned. Through feminine leadership, we can respond with grace, ensuring that December’s challenges pave the way for a more balanced and intentional new year.
